a.b.c.d.e.f.g.h.

My heart swells through the universe: energy, stillness, ordering the nonlinear--

What if I'm not who I think I am? If I table concerns, repress my thoughts, over-manage my voice, never come back? Have I deleted the most ridiculous questions? I try to drop them but can't shock away the static cling.  I shake and they adhere. That's anxiety.

Kay Ryan writes of rivers as ribbons. I zoom in and step into the water's edge, an expanse of blue grey, a cloudy day. The wet sand braiding, the boats sailing, the fretting dissipating when the clouds roll back and expose the moon. The breath out in a long whooooo. I feel my man's smile. That's beauty.

Alphabetizing for order when the hugs are happy, the cats are well-fed, and the kitchen is clean. When this life, today, is treasure without tragedy. Don't take it all so seriously! Relax and just be silly. I can't stop laughing, lady! Disruption amid peace and happiness can be a portrait of comedy.

Dilute the stress with three parts water... This is the paragraph I do not write. This is the dream I do not remember. This is the curtain hiding broken windows, throes of woes, knots, blows--none of that anymore. Just watch where you step on the floor. Wake me up later. I'm not afraid of the dark. I have been into the dark. Just trust me. Just let me avoid the darkness.

Euphoria means everything connects no spaces graces taking places with no structure needed no orders heeded all ideas have seeded and are growing without rows and overgrowing overflowing all of us knowing the fleeting beating of the rush before the crush and gush of beauty connection trust perfection even illusion profusion enchantments charges forces barging in of course the source is euphoria.

Please don't say anymore. If I could only just sit down. Let me see if I have one. Can you wait? Let me rest a minute. Is there water? How long until the quiet? Would you tell me the words? Please say it. I can't take another second. I can't look. Maybe later. Please leave me. It's just this fragility.

Thank you for calling my name. I appreciate the honesty. I respect the need for stability. I trust this will work beautifully. Thank you for letting me and for forgiving me. Thank you rivers braiding, thank you, sunlight fading. Thank you for pointing out confusion, though answers still evade me, curtained by delusions. I'm grateful even for platitudes. Yes, happiness is gratitude. 

Thank you for listening, for the opportunity. It's an honor to have you visiting. Yours, with humility.